I Just came back from church. I didn't go to my usual church, I to the other one. Nearer to myhouse. I met so many polpe there. I saw Aaron, Joshua, Ryan, this guy from my CC, Kevin, a guy from my tuition last year and this other guy who is also from my CC but not as a student. (or nofirmand as we are called) I also saw my aunt but my mother wasn't exactly sure if it was her cousin. Lol. I stayed up to 430 almost 5 last night to write my story and I ended up having a butt ache and a backache. I'm glad I wrote though. I didn't want to stop but I had to because it was almost 5! I had to go church the next day and I didn't want to fall asleep. It is actually quite easy to when I go to this chuch because it's a little less interesting. And it is aircon so all the nicer to sleep in. Lol. I did actually sleep in church once before. When I was younger about 8 or 9 or maybe even 10. I fell asleep on mummy's lap. My mother didn't wake me up, I really don't know why. Anyway, after 15 years of going to the same church almost consistenly every week, I only realised a few weeks ago that my church has a clock at the back. I never saw it there before. Maybe it's new, I don't know but I didn't notice it until a few weeks back. I guess I don't look at the back of my church very often. I don't know. After all, it is no secret that I am a complete blur who's brain is in a jar next to my bed. Haha. I have a birthday party to attend!! I can't wait. Actually, I can because I'll probably die of boredom. The little baby will be the center of attraction but I probably won't be able to get my hands on him. He's so cute. And he has hair! No fair! I had no hair when I was born but of course by his age, I probably did but still... no fair! Anyway, I don't make sense again right? Oh well, time to shut up and I still can't type properly anyway. Byez...
Me blogged @ | 1:06 pm
I'm so bored!! Aahh!!! And I'm so sleepy too. But I musn't go to sleep. Though I did, weirdly enough, have a good sleep last night, if I take a nap today, I'm afraid I might not be able to sleep tonight. Hmm... Maybe it does have something to do with exam stress. But I must study. But if I go home to study, I'm afraid I might sleep instead. I don't have CC tomorrow so I'll probably go CKA instead of my usual church. Sigh... I wonder what I'll have for lunch tomorrow. Tomorrow is Johua's birthday! Joshua is this really really really cute guy who the last time I saw him tried to eat my hand. Lol. His first birthday tomorrow. =) He's really cute!
Guess what I'm eating right now? Seahorse! Erm... Chocolate seahorse that is. Why would they say seashells on the cover if there are seahorses? Anyway, I think I have stopeed making sense since my second letter I typed so I should shut up before the whole world knows my ignorance. Maybe I should go buy a present for Joshua. He's soo cute!
Me blogged @ | 4:15 pm
Someone is soo love sick... hahah... And I am so cold. Idon't even know why I'm posting today. I don't really have anything to say. Yeah, and then I'll probably write dam long post after saying that. Haha... SO typically me right? I can't type properly! I'm using the backspace button more than the keys! This is stupid dowan write liao. Byebye.
p.s. See, not that long wert.
Me blogged @ | 2:30 pm
The "great" mind is at work. After sleeping which I wasn't supposed to do, I woke up feeling extremely bored so I decided to see how much inspiration I had left. It was fading but still there. Not very good but I feel like posting it anyway.
When you stepped into my life
I did all I could do to get you out
but now that you've left
I realise
How much I need you
I can't live my life
Not a day without you
I need you
I love you
I want you back
It sounds like lyrics to a song I know but I'm not sure... Maybe I kind of stole it? Maybe I dreamt of the song and then wrote it down. Lol.. Anyway, there's another one.
I woke up
I looked up
and I saw you
I was afraid
I was alone
and you held my hand
I felt ashamed
I felt embarrassed
and you told me everything was alright
I was in pain
I was unloved
and you comforted me all night
When a tear formed in my eye
you wiped it dry
When I spoke so softly
ahsamed of myself
you listened and reassured me
When I cried and cried endlessly into the night
you came, you loved me
and you made me feel wanted again
how much I love you
How much I care for you
But those words
somehow, never leave my lips.
I know you can feel all that I can
But you never show it.
I know you know how much I love you
And how much you want me to say
Those three words
I love you
Also sounds like lyrics. That's why it doesn't rhyme, I can imagine the tune inside my head which I assure you will disappear by tomorrow. I have no idea why I keep on writing and writing today. But I don't mind. I love writing. Oh, tody, my second essay was like a poem. It contained short sentences especially towards the end. I hope teahcer won't mind. Lol... Anyway, bye. I want to go eat dinner now.
Me blogged @ | 7:38 pm
Today was Pn. Chew's last day. So sad... I'll really miss her. I told her that and I asked her not to forget us. And then I gave her half a hug. Don't ask why half because I raelly don't know. I guess it was because we just happened to stand next to each other rather than opposite each other. I Miss her already! I don't want that stupid Pn. Zohriah teaching us. Pn Chew is known for going out of topic when she teaches and that is really fun. Then she'll start telling us about everything that is irrelevant to KH. Lol. So sad, why does she have to leave us before out PMR? Sigh.
Anyway, while we're on the topic of teachers, I found out that Pn. M is also a catholic. It doesn't make me dislike her any less though. And it doesn't stop me from mocking her hair. Hahaha, I know, I'm such a good student. I guess she can be nice when she wants to but that isn't very often if ever at all.
My nails are long and I started peeling them again because I don't have much to do during the exams when I finish too early. If I finish too early that is. I enjoy writing poems but I can't always get the inspiration to write. Today during English 2, I was so inspired that I couldn't even write my essay beacause all I could think of was my story. Yep, that poem was about my story. I still haven't decided what to write yet. I'm still quite lost. I've dropped the leukemia idea and went with the car crash. I wrote up till the crash part. But it just doesn't make sense. And if the crash is the climax, how can I reach the climax in the seocnd chapter? Sigh, writing even for fun isn't all that easy. It's quite stupid right? I know how I want to end the story but I don't know how to get to that ending. Sigh, everyday, my ideas for the story change. IT changes bit by bit until I end up deleting most of it. It's so frustrating. I want to express myself but I just can't. Sigh, and it's not writer's block. It's writer got too much to write and can't make up her mind. Help me!! Please!! And right now, I'm so bored. I don't have anything to do. I don't feel like playing games so I went blog surfing but there aren't many funny blogs to go to. Oh well, who says with the internet yo can do anything you want? Hmm... Maybe I'll go to Yun's car page or McLaren's site and drool over pictures of Kimi Raikkonen. Hahaha...
Me blogged @ | 3:17 pm
I wrote a poem during English today. I don't think it'll make any sense to you but I'll post it anyway... It doesn't rhyme...
The minute it happened
I couldn't turn back the clock
I couldn't foresee what was to happen
but I knew it could only get worse
Your hugs that often calmed me
Your kisses that often stopped my tears
Your sweet carress that often help me sleep
VANISHED!
Gone for what I thought was eternity
The days I spent with you remained fresh in my mind
as with the thoughts of living a life without you
I couldn't hold on to my meaningless life
But I couldn't break my promise to you
I fell down but no one picked me up
I just fell deeper and deeper into the black hole
Soon seizing to exist
But then, I miracle happened
God came to open my eyes
To uncloud the fog in the darkness
And I could see a ladder out of the pit
But a ladder with spikes
One which hurt with each step out
But I took thar road
The only path God showed to me
With every pierce into my skin
I only thought of you at the other end
I climbed that horrifying painful ladder
revealing the truth that left me bare naked
The embarrassing truth which even you didn't know
It hurt
I was ashamed but courage took me there
The courage of our Lord led me to you
The painful ladder vanished into the past
We are reunited again
Together for eternity.
Please do not take this literally ok? It's just a poem about what wrote in my story last night. Or at least what I thought of writing.
I couldn't sleep again last night as the past few nights. Hot, mosquito, cannot sleep. With the mosquitoes, I couldn't take off my blankie but with the heat, I couldn't leave it on. I drifted in and out of sleep from 12 to 1 and then I got up and walked around. Took the laptop and started writing. Then took my literature book and tried to study. The tried to go back to sleep but it was so hot! And my legs refused to stay under the blanket so the mosquitoes bit me. After that, my legs refused to stay still. I kept kicking my blanket and my bed until my bedsheet almost came off and then I started to cry. Don't really know why. Then I started to pray with all the tears I really hope He could hear me. Then I went out to the hall where I thought of my story somemore. And I finally fell asleep by about 430 or 5. Woke up at 7. Sigh, I think I prefer to die. I came to the office today because I didn't want to let myself take a nap in the afternoon. It might be the cause of my insomnia. But how can I expect to stay up all afternoon if I only get about 3 hours of accumalated sleep at night? Argh... It's so frustrating. Why can't all this happen after PMR? Then if I don't sleep for 48 hours also I won't mind. I did that before. During camp where I got about half an hour of sleep. But that was different. That was camp. This is home where it's supposedly easy to sleep with my baby bolster and my blankie and my comfy bed. I wanted to go curl up beside mummy but I knew my dad would chase me out because he complains I'm too fat which I think he's right. So anyway, lets not talk about sleep shall we? I might start crying again. Maybe I'll get mummy to oi oi me tonight. Lol. I sound like a little girl... Hehe.
Bm trial yesterday, screwed it up. English today. Essay was ok. I felt the first one was better than the second although many of my friends think it the other way. I wrote 441 words in the first essay and I think about 300 in the second but I didn't count. Novel wasn't very good I think. I don't think I can get 10. My science wasn't very good either. I think I just put myself and Mrs. D to shame. Yun and WT probably beat me. Sigh. I really hope it's still an A. Well, on the bright side I still have other subjects to try my luck at. And at least it was only gerak gempur.
Ok, I will stop bla bla ing here and now. So byebye.... I love you!
Me blogged @ | 2:23 pm
I should be studying because I am going to badly in my maths and science tests. I've got BM tomorrow, which I have yet to start studying. I can't type properly because my fingers are really cold. My cousin is online eventhough it is about 2 or three a.m. his time. I feel depressed because of the exams. Tomorrow's exams are trial exams so if I fail, I won't have to sit for PMR with my head attached to my body. Argh! I cannot do this. I just want to quit school and, I don't know, get a job or something. I know that working isn't going to be much easier but at least I get paid. Haih, don't know lar. I just don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like rotting. Anyway, there's only reason why I wanted to post today. And that is to share with you the wonders of my God Jesus Christ... I sound like some crazy fanatic, lunatic person right? Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting to express my love and gratitude to him. I was doing my maths today and then I remembered that I forgot to pray yesterday and I didn't have time this morning so I decided to pray during the maths paper itself. After praying, I did the question which I gad been doing like 5 times and stil couldn't get the answer, and I got the answer! And I wasn't even praying to get that answer, didn't want to bug God about rubbish considering I wasn't going to do well anyway. SO I got the answer! And that's all I wanted to say. Byebye, goodnite...
Me blogged @ | 10:41 pm
My inner child is ten years old!
The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
Me blogged @ | 4:43 pm
I need a hug... Anyway, I wanted to write in to the radio stations to inform them that we have a blood donation this Thursday but I called YT and she said that she will ask teacher first and she can only do that on Monday. I am kind of afraid that it might not be in time. But I can't just ignore what she said, can I? And from the few radio stations that I went to, I'm starting to wonder if sending in one email will put it on all the radio stations. Because although the email is different, the telephone number is the same as wellas it being sponsored ot whatever by Celcom. Anyway, maybe when I get the permission to, I'll call instead of email. But all this shouldn't be of much concern to me. I must learn to put my studies ahead of my SJ activities. Sigh, and ahead of my blogging too. I've been online for too much of my time. I never study... Argh, useless pig, I know.
Have you ever known anyone to wipe off the oil off bah kua before eating it? Lol. That's what I did, Ir eally hope that I didn't accidentally eat tissue paper as well. I just couldn't stand it, there was so much oil, I could see it... Yuck. But... **** I'm not supposed to eat meat today! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!! Sigh, just have to replace with tomorrow I guess. Sigh, I wanted to go out with my aunt tomorrow. Nevermind, I'll replace it anyway. The more I want to eat meat and the more I don't eat it means that it's more of a sacrifice right? Well, I hope so... Sigh... sigh........................ sigh................................... OKok, I'll shut up. But.... Sigh....... I shouldn't be like that. It's for God so I should stop whining and be a good girl... Hehe, if I'm capable of doing that. Anyway, I didn't go CF today and apparently Cristian (or however it's spelled) went. I'm glad he's not all that cute. If he looked anything like Kimi Raikkonen... I know, I know, Kimi is married, you don't have to remind me... But it'snot like I want to marry him anyway, he may just never come back from a race any day and I don't think I'll be able to live with that. Conclusion: I will never marry anyone with a very high risk of coming home dead. ?? Yes, I know I'm mad but hey, I can't help it, I'm born this way... I need a hug and mummy isn't home... Hehe, go hug my pillow but my pillow isn't here... It's at home... I got nothing to hug!! =( Shall give mummy an extra big hug then. =) Yes, that shall be what I'll do. Argh, what's with me and hugs?? Oh well, doesn't change anything, I still wanna hug. My stupid cousin is ignoring me again... I know he's not exactly ignoring me but I kind of pity him because he's always so busy. He's usually doing assignments online and he can be online for hours and hours. He ever reached 1 day remember? If only he wasn't too busy to chat with his little cousin then at least I wouldn't be so bored. I am dead bored. I ahve nothing to study. I know that that's a lame excuse but I really didn't bring my books to study. Because I just came back from tuition and the only things I have with me are BM papers. Maybe I should go study my Komsas? Oh well, not in the mood. I'll be back... I shall go see what to do now. Maybe go concentrate on my story eventhough I have no idea what to write... Should I write about leukemia, like hwat I originally thought of, or about car accident? But either way, she's going to end up with some sort of disease because I already know how I want to end it. Byebye.
Me blogged @ | 7:39 pm
Piano exam just over!! I did horribly and have no idea how to tell that to my aunt and teacher but I'm glad it's over. I played A minor contrary wrongly. A minor!! Do you know what A minor is!! It is a scale with no sharp and no flats!! Aaaaahhhhh.... I made mistakes in every piece. My first being the worst of all. My first is usually the best, don't know what happened. My sight reading wasn't very good. I made quite a few mistakes. Played wrong notes, no flat played flat when got sharp, never play the sharp. My aural was not very good either. Singing the upper part melody was ok, sight singing was very very bad, cadence was ok but I think I answered major minor thing wrong. 6D was not very good, not very bad. He asked about the dynamics of the piece. He said he will ask about the texture in the beginning but he didn't. Thankfully! When he said he would ask on texture I freaked out. I had no idea what on earth was texture... He didn't ask the composer which was good because I wouldn't have been able to answer. Clapping a short melody wasn't very good, I think I missed out on a few notes. So that's about it. The examiner was a guy. Malcolm something or other.m Cute. =PPPP Older than my father lar. After the horror part was over, he asked if I was working so I told him I was still studying and he said " he liked my uniform" Lol, I was and am wearing a beige bluse and black skirt. Don't get me started on the shoes. And then he said "thank you for coming here to play" I think I should have said, "I'm sorry for trying to make you deaf" Hehe. He was quite nice, very smiley. Smile smile smile, dunno for what oso. It must be a fake smile because who on earth can smile with such horrible music? oh well, no more whining. It's over. I'm glad it is because now I have no more excuse to not concentrate on my PMR. My aunt is coming today, can't wait.
There will be a public duty this Saturday but I'm not going. Honestly, just between you and I, I really want to go but...
1. My aunt is here and I want to go out with her.
2. I will not go because I want that useless vice who is currently avoiding the pressie to go. He's a form 4 and he ahs never been to any duty before. I think it is about time for him to get off his fat a** and start acting like a vice. He is in a board of mostly form threes. He has to do more of the work when it's so near PMR. Siew Li has agreed to go but she can only stay until 1 so useless vice one has to go. I don't care even if he's busy, he can't expect to get a beautiful leaving school cert without any work. I think there is only one SJ that reads my blog so don't spread out that I said this k? If YT finds out that I can actually go, she'll kill me.
Yes, it's true. MY(our vice) is avoinding YT. In duty and probably even in first aid, I think that he is no better than the form twos. He's certainly worse than form threes because he has never been to any duty. SOme of the F2s have already been to their first duty. I'm proud of them. Like Alvin, NK, JC and others, they have been on duty before. I think MY didn't even sell car sitckers for flag day. Not with us at least. Sigh, the f3s have to chaperone the f2s when there are actualyl enough f4s to do that. But I don't mind doing so much for SJ. The thing that I do mind is that the F4s are sitting on their heavy butts and getting all the credit. Sigh, I know. I have to go get a life right? Sigh... I want to play the piano. =/ Anyway, byebye. I need sleep, toilet and food. Lol.
Me blogged @ | 2:11 pm
I haven't been using HTML lately... been too lazy. Sigh... I haven't even taken a look at my template yet. I actually wanted to change the cursor but lazy... Anyway, I should be studying... Believe it or not, I haven't even started studying yet... I know PMR is round the corner but I just can't study. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I read slower, I don't write my story anymore, I don't enjoy anymore. It's like my whole life has become one boring, lifeless, meaningless piece of crap. Actually, there still is one thing which I can think about, St John... It has been on my mind since I got the post. I just keep thinking of what to do for the nexxt meetings and what to do with the first aid kit and what first aid topics would be fun to teach. But I don't really enjoy doing all that because it's quite stressful. I think my parents are starting to get pissed at me as well because I can't hold a conversation with them for more than five minutes without arguing. It's like my temper is getting shorter, my life is getting boringer and I am just melting into nothing. Nothing. I don't have the mood to do anything. I only eat and eat and think of eating more and then complain I'm fat. Argh...! Nevermind, maybe I'm not in the best of moods today. Well, I don't know why. Jason took another group today because one of the groups had no facilitator. He wore a "bling bling" (or however u spell it). The reason I put in in inverted commas is because it wasn't a bling bling. It was a stuffed blue dog which he hung on his chain. It was soooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuteeeeeeeeeeeee!! Cutest thing I've ever seen... cuter that Jason himself. Hahah, it's the truth. Oh well, I shall go wallow in self pity now as i cannot study nor can I eat nor can I sleep. Sigh, and I can't write my story either... I miss him.... my character in my story. By the way, can you guys see my tagboard? Because I can't.
Me blogged @ | 2:41 pm
