I haven't bathed since yesterday and I'm sleepy but I have to bathe because tomorrow morning, I have to wake up early. Sigh. I am going to MPA talk tomorrow, wonder if there'll be any cute guys. =P Anyway, tomorrow night, I'll be going to
MAKNA (Majlis Kanser Nasional) dinner. It's an anniversary dinner or something. I know saying this will make me seem like a shallow b*tch, but I have nothing to wear. The dress code is smart casual. Anyway, I have to go now. My dad is bugging me, as always. Love you. muaks.
Me blogged @ | 11:11 pm
That night, I was a nervous wreck. My parents were out, I was asleep on my bed in my room. Or so they thought. I was nowhere near asleep, I was just waiting for them to go out. The minute they did, it all started. As I said, I was a wreck. It started with a long, suggestive message that lead to him responding with something more than a message. He asked what was wrong when he realised what a wreck I was, he had never seen me that way before. He listened to me and then realised, that this was my first time. He gave me a lot of useful advice that I am so grateful for. He taught me what to do and that was what I did. It felt so good. Though I was afraid of it at first, I was glad I listened to him. What had started with fear, ended with a feeling of goodness. It felt good to bare myself to him like I did. I had never felt better. The shower after that was a whole hour of heavenly bliss. Again, it was his idea. He suggested hot water but I chose cold water instead, after all, just because I'm inexperienced doesn't mean I don't get to make some decisions. The ice cold water didn't feel icy cold. The warmth of what had happened before that was enough. And he warmth of love from someone not from my family was more than sufficient to keep me warm under the shower. It was long and pleasurable, I am glad I listened to him. I now realise how much I love him. I really do. The bearing of myself and the shower after that, just thinking about it gives me a tingling happiness all over. It was wonderful. That night. My first time.
Me blogged @ | 10:47 pm
It's been so long since my last post I was having withdrawal symptoms. I have so much to tell!
I'll start with the Highway Duty. It was boring I guess but I want to go again next year. There was a case which I didn't get to go. =( It was a false alwarm case though. Mdm's driving was apparently very good. (or horrible depending on how you look at it) She was driving at 140kmh and was practically leaning on the horn. The coolest thing was that the ambulance had a loudspeaker so Sir could ask everyone to get out of the way! That was what my sis has always wanted. Anyway, after two false alarm cases, they went to buy chicken rice for our lunch. The chicken was so tough I was tired just trying to bite it. We basically spent the rest of the day being bored. My friends were trying to dress me half girl half guy although from the ideas that they threw in I think it was a conspiracy to turn me into half prostitute half loan shark. Anyway, we then walked around the place, we counted the number of red cars that passed. Err. Well, the day was a good day for me because when we first started out, I saw a Ferrari Fdunnowhat. It completely made my day when I saw it again when we were entering the toll. I think it was the same one because it was the same model and it was also convertible. Anyway, we also washed the ambulance, it was so extremely dirty! I met sir's gf who was quite nice. I met other people from K division and also Sir. We also learnt how to use that thing which I forgot what it's called. it was basically a pocket mask and that big balloon thing so that we don't have to give mouth to mouth. It was so cool, we also learnt to use the oxygen tank.
W is starting to annoy me again. He thinks of my life as a soap opera because I tell him so much. He doesn't know what a soap opera is, when I used that word the other day, he said "Huh? What's that? The Oprah Winfrey show ar?" Sigh, so ignorant. Hahah. Anyway, he misscalled me at three something last last night and I think he woke my father up because I leftmy phone in the hall. I wasn't asleep yet at that time so he called me and we were chatting nonsense. I miss doing that because a certain girl went to Egypt and left me here. She completely forgot about me AGAIN! And my aunt is in Japan. It's so unfair, everbody seems to be doing something or going somehwere and I'm stuck at home with nothing to do. I have no job and I get so envious of people who do because everyday, I just sit at home at rot. I don't really want to use the comp because I'm not exactly getting along with my dad these days, he just annoys me. If he could just leave me alone! Sigh, I want that clinic job. I want that clinic job. I don't care if they pay peanuts I just want it. I don't even care if they don't pay me because I just want the experience. If I could, I would go to the hospital and do that thing J once said something about. Like you go to the hospital and annoy the doctors by following them around and learning about what they do. That is so cool, if I ever get to do that, I want to follow a surgeon or an obstetrician. I want to witness the joy of life again because life is beginning to be empty and meaningless. Sigh, honestly? I feel as if I am getting confused between the real world and the story world. I like the story world because there, everything is the way I want it to be. I have control over things but here, I just live life like a nobody. It's painful, it's difficult. I don't do anything anyday. I thought I might have duties to do then at least I'm doing something useful but I'm not. I'm just doing nothing and I mean literally nothing. And I also want that DC. Someone to understand me, someone to care for me and someone to love me. I want so many things but I don't know how to get it, it's just so stupid. Life is stupid.
Me blogged @ | 4:01 pm
Sigh... SIgh... SIGh.... SIGH... SIIIGGGHHHHH..... I'm going through mid life crisis at 15 because I have two cousins who will be getting married this month. Doc was just talking about 'red bombs' the other day. I wonder if he ever feels like he's growing old? I mean, he is old and single right? And if one is old and single there must be something wrong with that person right? Hahaha... I wrote that in my story. My character told that to her psychiatrist who is 'old and single' Well, my story is 11 pages now. Still nothing compared to the 50+ I had but it's better than two. The glass is half full, ot in this case, one fifth full.
I just chat with him just now. I felt a small thing when I saw him come online but then it was over as soon as it came. I'm learning... hopefully. Anyway, he asked me to pray for his exams because it's really hard. I told him that all my prayers will be for him. I feel that he really deserves to do well because I'm quite sure he has studied hard and smart. He's just nervous. We all know what damage nervousness can do to a person at exams. One thing I don't like about exams and I think should be changed is that in exams, the atmosphere is such that you are scared out of your skin and you're only given one chance. I mean, if you do a latihan in school and a same one but in the form of an exam in an exam hall with the examiners all looking at you. Obviously you're going to do better in the classroom right? Oh well, no matter, it's not like I'll be able to change much anyway right? Pn Chew said that our education system is changing towards the American style that means it is based a lot on assignments rather than just one exam at the end of he year. Well, at first I thought that wasn't very good but now I see its benefits. Sigh... Oh dear, here I go again. Hahah. Anyway, my dad's being bad now, he wants to use the comp. Bye.. love ya
Me blogged @ | 6:39 pm
I'm not a freak... please tell me I'm not a freak... I don't want to be a freak... lol, I actually find the SJ Anthem quite nice. I mean I have heard nicer songs but I find it not that bad.
Dld it here I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do that without giving the source but I don't know where to get it from, I got it from the email. I am also not sure how to link songs so if it doesn't work please tell me.
Btw, what happened to Arafat? I seem blur.
Me blogged @ | 3:37 pm
Arrgghh.... Aarrrggghhh... Sigh... My sister is a spoilt brat. I don't know if it was my fault but she is a spoilt brat. Perhaps I should try to see things from her point of view and maybe I'll be able to understand her but I think we're too different. Please excuse me for being such a bitch. Sigh. I am now reading a book about female serial killers. It's called Fatal: The poisonous life of a female serial killer by... erm... forgot. It's a nice book. It's about this nurse, Jane Toppan. She kills people by administering morphine and atropine in varying doses to see the effects. There's a lot more about her about how she erm... gets sexual pleasure by doing that and how she killed an entire family. It is very interesting though the writing style is not very interesting. I've only read it about half way through so I'm not sure what happened but I know she did get caught. I also found interesting that doctors then, in the 19-20th century, had very weird kinds of medication including lime water, cocoa wine, arsenic, strychnine and others. Arsenic is a rat poison and strychnine is also a kind of poison.
My mother has got another sorethroat and this time she almost completely lost her voice. She went to buy that chinese herbs again. And the lady at the CMH said 'aiyoor, lost your voice again ah? Now raining so much and you still so heaty?'. Oh well... I guess it's better than: 'Kalau bini tak baik tukar lar'. Lol.
Sigh, nobody is online... so boring... we were supposed to go shopping later although I'm not sure if we will still be going now that my sis is like that... I said this to W the other day only I didn't realise how much I meant it. My life is a whole damn mess. Sigh. Is it me or is it not? I wish I knew... The only thing I'm sure of is that my tooth is aching and I just bit my tongue. Bye bye... I can't wait to go for duty...
p.s. Yun, did Jian tell you that I'm not going out this Monday? You go and enjoy k? *muaks* =P
Me blogged @ | 2:57 pm
I can't believe it! I wrote a nice long lenghthy post before this and as I was posting it, I got disconnected! Sigh, I have to write everything again! Well, I won't. I don't have that much time. Anyway, what I wrote was basically W is nice. I want him to go for camp but I don't want him to go for camp but it doesn't matter because he doesn't want to go to camp. He's nice to flirt with because he won't start liking me. He still sees me as a junior and I don't think I'll ever be able to change his mindset about that. We were chatting just now and we talked about "what happened the other night" Nothing happened! Really! Nothing! Believe me! Nothing happened! But I told him I didn't really enjoy it and he said it's because guys only need 5 minutes of foreplay whereas girls needed 15 to 20. So now you can roughtly guess what happened that didn't happened the other night. Lol. Anyway, now you know why he's so nice to flirt with. He started the topic about what happened the other night. Hahah. Okok, I'll drop about what happened the other night. Hehe. Bye for now.
Me blogged @ | 6:41 pm
Have I told you lately that I love you?... AAH! Got that song stuck in my head! Out! Out! Hehe.. anyway, I am lifeless. I searched for W's name just now and apparently there's an artist or whatever with the same name. Almost the same name anyway. And then I searched Jy's dad's name (I told you I'm lifeless) and I went into a Men's health site. Haha... I don't think I Have the right organs for that site lol. I came across DUMC's site as well. But nobody cares... Sigh, I saw Smile's name there... SHUT UP!
Yesterday after I finished blogging, my dad went out and asked me if I wanted anything so I told him Milo ksg Ais (again) and then whenhe came back with my drink, he told me that there was durians downstairs and asked me if I wanted to come along to buy. So I went with him and he chatted with the durian seller talking about.. uhm.. "Kalau bini tak bagus tukar saje lar"... Lol. anyway, I'm glad I went because I got one 'ulas' of free durian and my dad got the other one. Then we came back and I ate durian. I ate and ate and ate until I was so full (also because of the milo) and for the whole night, I felt so nauseated. Haha... I went out with my sis after that and she went yum cha with her gay looking friend and I wanted to throw up because there was food all around. BLUEEKK! Lol... Moral of the story: I cannot eat without my mother beside me because I WILL overeat. Haha... Sigh, like little girl only.
Somebody help me! I don't know what color I should make my website! Blue or White? I like blue but if I make it white then it will be printable. Aahh!! And I don't know what to put on the first page... This is horrible! Aahhhh!!
Me blogged @ | 5:23 pm
WHATEVER YUN!! Anyway, I HATE MSN! I hate it! It has brought back all the feelings I thought I had overcome. What is wrong? I shouldn't be feeling this. I really thought I was over all this crap. When I sent him mails, I didn't feel this dry mouth, clammy hands rubbish but when I saw him online just now I told WC I couldn't breathe and how true. Obviously not literally. I don't know what I'm feeling right now, it's not love it's not like, I'm hoping it's not a crush either. Its ridiculous! How can I feel like this? Anyway, I remember once that I said I thought JY's (sign language) father looked fierce.. I just realised that I have a pic of him. Muahahhahah... Hmm... Actually, I think he's erm... handsome.. Muahahhahaa... I always seem to think older men are handsome.. there is something seriously wrong with me.. lol. He's so hot, Muahahahahahah... jk. He's handsome but not hot. Married men not my taste. Anyway, back to the main point of my post. I can't like him. I refuse to. I don't want to. But do I? I feel so immature. I feel downright childish. After I chat with him for a short short while just now, all the feelings came back and I was stupid enough to open one of the old mails that he sent when he first went there. There was a pic of him and it made everything worse. I should never have opened it. I feel even more idiotic than I already know I am. Sigh... I feel like a confused teenager. I think I like Smile but I don't want to. I like W but only as a friend. I find JY cute and I find his dad handsome! Muahahhahah.... Forget his dad ok? I like his dad's wallet, I have to say that... Hehe... jkjk. Anyway. I'll tyr to sort out my feelings and thoughts now, byebye
Me blogged @ | 3:38 pm
STUPID YUN!! HOW COULD SHE HACK INTO MY BLOG AND POST A STUPID MEANINGLESS POST FOR ME?
=PPPPP
oh gosh man I am so bored. Guess who guess who? =PPP
Me blogged @ | 1:31 pm
